Uncertainty and certainty

I've not posted for some time now. I suppose it's the nature of where I've been at for the last couple of months. Day in, day out, day in, day out... even when there are things worth reporting, my heart has been in a bit of a low ebb. Just not feeling the joy. I miss Osaka a lot of the time, and I miss Tassie... Melbourne's been grinding me down a bit. 6 months in, it's almost time to find out how I really feel about being here.

So, the job I was offered just before Christmas came through (yay!), and I am now working as an Executive Assistant in the same government department as before. I guess they must like me. No end date means I can rely on my income being fairly stable (given that I'm paid by the hour and don't get paid on public holidays). It's good. I've applied for one permanent full-time job recently, but if I don't get it, I won't be too worried. We won't die.

But Tom's not been working much, and I've been having to pay double rent. It's a strain. And I've managed (though fiscal discipline) to pay off the credit card that got run up when neither of us were working over the Christmas break, but it's left me in a sort of pessimistic kind of mind-space. Working and not feeling like you get to enjoy the spoils is pretty depressing. On the weekends I have been having trouble even getting out of bed. Just feeling lethargic and negative.

I often think of the nature of place, and I wonder if I'll ever find a place where I will feel like I can thrive. Is Melbourne going to be that place? I'm not convinced.

So, things other than my refusal to move on weekends:

- Tom's been swimming and doing weights whilst job hunting and has whittled himself down to a very fine profile. I have been doing "trial offers" at a whole bunch of gyms. Annoys the hell out of the gym sales staff when they realise that they'll never be able to turn that into a full membership, but hey, you want to do a trial offer, you've got to expect some tyre kickers.

- We went to the zoo the other weekend. I saw lots of cool snakes and fishies and monkeys. I liked the lesser panda. However, whilst I was taking a photo of some giant tortoises having sex (funny!) a rather large insect landed on the hand that was holding the camera. And so I had a reaction to flick the insect off my hand, and accidentally threw my camera quite forcefully on to the pavement. The insect was unharmed. The camera, however, did not survive. Goodbye camera #3.

- We played at the Sydney Armageddon Festival.

It was rad.

We got pulled in when Arkheth were unable to play. We didn't get to be on the colourful poster I'm afraid. However, we got to meet some really interesting people, make some good connections for future shows and so on. Lots of people attended. It was a pretty big show. I didn't think we played especially well. The mix didn't seem to work very well for the first couple of songs, but the mixer got it toward the middle of the set and we thrashed it out well enough. We made enough money to cover our transport and still have $2.50 each at the end of the day. Which, considering we're independent musicians, is a fucking miracle.

Sydney fucking loves its black metal. Who would have thought?

Leigh flew to Melbourne on the Thursday night and we took turns driving up to Sydney on the Friday morning. We drove back on Sunday. The car's not been running as well as I would have liked it to. Annoying. On the Saturday during the day it was 40+ºC so we went snorkelling. I saw some cool urchins and little fishies and big fishies. It was great. If I lived in Sydney, I'd go to the beach all the time. Melbourne's not got enough beaches, and it sucks.

We're sort of unsure about being here - if the money's not coming in, it kind of defeats the purpose of living in Melbourne. Melbourne's got gigs to go to, and art to look at. Melbourne's got fashion and shopping and whatever. But if you've got no money then all of that means nothing. If you're not able to afford to go to the gigs, what's the point of living in a city that has gigs?

I think Tom and I want to live here for a few years, save some cash for a house and move back to Tasmania. I miss being able to live among the trees. I've been doing some sums to try and figure out just how much we can throw into our savings when we're both working again. See how it all goes, I suppose. If I live in a shack in the bush, at least I can enjoy the bush. And maybe get a dog. I'd really like to have a puppy.

The Opening of the Victorian Era

Testing, testing... Hello Nagoya? Hello Hobart? Hello Brisbane? Hello Osaka? Hello Melbourne!

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Yes, we all evidently are ladies and gentlemen, here in the Victorian era. We've travelled forward in time until we arrived back at the dawn of the 20th century. The Victorian era: scones with jam and cream, unemancipated women, and a dower looking female monarch. Maybe? Maybe not?

We left Tasmania in a similar frenzy of activity as to when we arrived. Slammed the door on house-sitting and low level admin temping and pushed the pedal to the floor up the Midlands. Personally I couldn't wait to get out. The list of things I won't miss about Tassie is longer than the list of things I won't miss about Japan. 10 miles longer. Depressing vibe. High-unemployment. Lack of permanent jobs for a lass like myself. Ever-present threat of abject poverty. Crumby temp jobs. Over-priced food. Over-priced real estate. Over-priced utilities. Crumby weather. Parochialism. Stiflingly familiar. Lack of anonymity. Lack of freedom. Lack of culture. Lack of public transport. Lack of things to do.

Get me out of here now! Get me out of here yesterday!*

*However, I will miss Rachel heaps. I feel like such a douche for not hanging out with her more whilst I was down.

We sailed over on a haunting full moon on an almost glassy, calm Bass Strait. Loved the boat this time (because we had a cabin and I slept the whole damn way). Arrived at the new house, gob-smacked by its loveliness. High ceilings, wooden floors, modern kitchen, plenty of space. A great start to the second Melbourne mission. We're paying a tad more than we were in Osaka, but we're able to have band practice at home, which actually makes up the difference. Went to a few employment agencies. Had to wait a couple of weeks but within three weeks of arriving managed to secure a job for myself (Tom got a job first this time). It's hard, because we did lay down some cold hard to get here, I've had to live on the credit card for a while which never feels good and I'm just about to receive my first pay packet and start clawing my way back to $0. But I feel very optimistic about the beginning of the Victorian era. I'm getting paid exactly twice as much as I was in Tassie to do a job that is inspiring, conceptual, difficult, but over-all, pleasant and well-suited to my qualifications and temperament. There's a list of things I want to do as long as my arm, and I am about to get down and do some of it.

Concert-wise, so far, went to see Bastardfest and Coffins. The Bastardfest line up was Blood Duster (silly grind bastards), Mindsnare (slightly too serious about themselves hardcore), Psychroptic (blistering tech death), Extortion (thrashy heavy hardcore) and The Kill (not my favourite - can't really remember). Liked Extortion a lot. And really getting into some of the newer Psychro tunes. Awesome fun. Saw the perennially friendly Dan McKay, got to do some excited Tassie ex-pat chat. Went to see Coffins (who are wicked death doom from Tokyo) with support from Gospel of the Horns (Venom worship), Cauldron Black Ram (kvlt fat metal), The Day Everything Became Nothing (brutal death), Clagg (sounds like Electric Wizard with Phil Anselmo singing - unfortunate), and Ignviomous (death metal wearing BM pants). I was too late to catch Whitehorse and for that I am a dickhead. Got to see Rob McManus, Rob Mason, and arrange a jam with Nick Warren. Fun times!

Anyway, Mayhem (the very significant Norwegian Black metal band) are playing next week, and if all goes well, I'm gonna try catch that show too.

Thrall's been offered two shows already and looks like we'll be hitting the stage with Ruins at the Arthouse in early October at this rate. Awesome.

Get this:

- I am saving $50 a week so far on groceries because I am not in Tasmania. (Aldi, Victoria Street Richmond, Gangemi Fruit and Vegetable market, Mediterranean supermarket).

- I am getting home 20 minutes earlier and spending $20 less per week on transport because I am not in Tasmania.

- I have attended two concerts so far, seen more than 10 bands. I really enjoyed most of them (which is a pretty good strike rate for a picky bugger like me). Because I've been going out at night, I've not been hitting the turps too much, which also saves me money.

- We are paying exactly the same amount of rent as we were at Napoleon Street five years ago. Five years ago I was working that horrible call centre job with unfixed casual hours, Tom was a student, and our earning potential was significantly less.

Things are looking up! They really are!

On a sad note, Tom's computer got knocked off the table and the screen came off, so, much like when Snowy ibook died for me, Tom's in a similar state of computerless misery. On the upside, he's doing well enough in his job that he will probably be able to replace it very soon. Great things are about to happen, but like any bold move, you have to be brave for a moment first. It's not all worked out perfectly, but I feel pretty good about where we are right now.

To finish this post, I thought I would share my newfound aphorism for you all that I found in a news paper article.

"Look for opportunities to do something better. Accept risk as a necessary evil. It thins out the competition. Goals aren't enough. You need a plan. You need to learn from your mistakes and alter your plan as you go. Don't re-invent the wheel. Learn from others. Make sure the math works. If the math doesn't work neither does the business. Make sure everyone understands the mission. There will be difficult times, but you will work through them. Whining is a waste of time. There will be sacrifices. Work to find a balance. Don't be a financially successful loser. It's not about the income, it's about the outcome."

Off into the distance once more...