Rest in Peace

So, that last post kind of dealt with the loss of my mother, and I'd like to acknowledge the wonderful response people have given me to that post. It is heartening to think that people get something out of what I am attempting to share here.

And so, with that, I bring the next post, the end of my relationship with Tom.

I wrote some very nice things here a long time ago, and I've deleted them now because I've faced the fact that it was not a good relationship. It was never a good relationship. I was used, used up, treated like shit by a piece of shit, and I'm sorry I ever met him.

Life started to wear us down. Between the employment instability, questions about our career directions, creative disagreements, a traumatic experience for Tom witnessing a violent crime, different social needs and finally, the constant drag of my mother's illness - our shared life began to get caught in the wake of too many things that were pulling us apart.

We began to fight more often. We began to have major differences of opinion on what we wanted to do as shared goals. Dog, job, kids, house, blah... I had an abortion. All those normal things went from being questions of when should we do this, to should if we be doing this at all?

It all came to a head just before my mum died. There were some trigger points, but none of that requires going into in great detail - if anyone cares, it makes no difference, in the end - we broke up.

Our attitude toward each other had changed so much, we had become poisonous for each other to be around. I don't think either of us were happy with the way it panned out, but I just ran out of energy. I was consumed by grief. I had nothing left to give. And I needed to give it my energy because Tom is a piece of shit, vampire, who sucked all the life out of me.

I don't see Tom any more. He blocked me on Facebook. I blocked him on Instagram. Fuck him, he was a cunt and I just didn't see it.

Our friendship rests in silence.