Isn't that what everyone is always doing? Looking at how we got here and where we want to go? Pulling desires into being and trying to visualise the bridge between the how and the now. I've got a lot of pots on the stove, and I'm cooking up something wonderful... but at the moment it all looks like gruel.
As we continue to hurtle voidwards, and looking at Australia with increasing distain, I wonder if there is any way we can get off that island and live elsewhere... and I don't mean Japan. Japan is a project that has met it's half way point almost, and as each day passes I begin to realise that I'll never be here for this time again, and this is my last time doing this, I get a sense of reverse nostalgia before I've even finished what I'm feeling nostalgic about. I'm feeling myself imagining looking back, and wondering how to make the sweetest moments to think back upon.
I don't know if either of us would be content with living in an Australian suburb, in a mouldy rental house, working a dead end contract job (wondering if my aunt was right and I don't have a full-time job because I'm an unpleasant person to be around), wondering when we're gonna end up on welfare, never secure enough to have kids or buy a house because everything is so transitory. I just don't know if I can face that life anymore. I think I want something more. And I don't know if Australia can deliver it. I don't know, I've got that feeling like my home can not give me what I want, and no where else is my home...
...thoughts come and go...
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1 comment:
I know that feeling Emily...
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